So this New Year’s resolution thing has been working out pretty well. Every time I feel the anger rising, I pause and let myself calm down. The downside is that this leads to a sort of bemused detachment and sometimes laughing at (not with) the kids. For example, yesterday Miranda was having a full blown tantrum which included actively trying to hit, kick, and bite me. The old Agnes would have screamed at her and maybe put her outside in the enclosed area at the side of our house. Given that it was 40 degrees and pitch dark outside, I decided not to do that and instead, try to ignore her. Well, that made her more mad, and there was a few minutes where she was literally chasing me around the house trying to bite me. She did manage to nip my arm and give me a little bruise. You can imagine it was hard not to laugh when you’re being run down by a rabid two-year old.
Eleanor has passed the tantrum phase and has been doing pretty well using her words and responding to reasoning. The other day it was raining when I picked them up from daycare, and Eleanor was refusing to get into her carseat. Meanwhile, I’m standing outside getting drenched and more angry. So, I start to do what the old Agnes would have done and stand imposingly over her, while trying to physically force her into her chair. She gets a panicked look on her face and shoves me away, hard.
ME: NO PUSHING MOMMY!
ELEANOR: NO MOMMY, NO PUSHING ELEANOR! (She knew that I was going to start pushing her into her chair.)
ME: (more calm) Well, no pushing Mommy either!
ELEANOR: I don’t like it Mommy. That’s not okay.
ME: Well, you need to get into your chair then.
Eleanor sits in her carseat and starts to buckle herself in. Then, she looks up at me contritely.
ELEANOR: I’m sorry Mommy.
ME: That’s okay, Eleanor. (I give her a hug.)
Amazing. The first spontaneous apology. Better than the first steps.
How true!