Serious discipline isn’t usually necessary until the terrible twos, but we’ve seen lots of behaviors that require disciplinary action. The hard part is coming to agreement on how to respond. I think consistency between parents is more important than the response itself. I tend to be the softie and Bernard is the ruler with the iron fist. Here’s the consensus on some “infractions”:
| Undesirable Behavior | Parental Response |
|---|---|
| Hitting, kicking, biting | Immediate removal to the opposite side of the room. After you’ve calmed down, we explain that hitting is wrong, make you hug your sister, and apologize to her on your behalf. |
| Yanking toys out of your sister’s hand. | Toy confiscated and given back to your sister for two minutes on the egg timer. If you still want the toy after two minutes, your sister has to give it to you. |
| Whining | We ignore you until you stop whining and/or sign “help me”. |
| Tantrum | We ignore you until the tantrum is over (But we make sure you’re safe out of the corner of our eye.). |
| Hogging Mommy, i.e., preventing Mommy from playing with or holding your sister by boxing her out. | Mommy says “I love you, but I’m going to play with your sister right now.” Mommy then ignores you until she has given equal time with your sister. |
| Throwing papers or books on the ground. | We make you pick up every single thing you threw on the ground. |
| Throwing utensils, cups, plates, etc. from the highchair. | Thrown item is confiscated for two minutes. |
| Crying in the middle of the night. | We peek in to make sure you’re not hurt or sick, and then we close the door and ignore you. |
| Excessive attachment to transitional objects, i.e. wanting to take them to bed, to daycare, to the high chair, to the bathtub. | Mommy and Daddy don’t agree on this. Mommy thinks you should be able to take your transitional objects everywhere except daycare (because they’ll disappear at daycare). Daddy allows one small transitional object in your crib only. |
| Crying while in carseat. | If you’ve dropped a toy or snack, we’ll lean back to pick it up if it’s safe. If you’re crying because you’re sick of being strapped in, too bad. |
| Refusing to eat what we give you. | We force you to eat one spoonful. If you spit it out, we leave it on your tray, hoping that you’ll try it again. If you swallow it, but still don’t want it, we make you eat three bites. |
| Making a fuss and/or crying in public while strapped into the stroller or grocery cart. | We appease you with snacks or a toy, but if you continue to fuss, we ignore you, and try to get our grocery shopping or errand done as quickly as possible while avoiding eye contact with other people. |
that’s a pretty complete list and well thought out. one thing i tried with success wrt hitting/biting/kicking is say no loudly and then take ethan’s hand and say “gentle” as I stroke his hand onto lucas (or vice versa).