On Tuesday when we picked up our kids from daycare, we got three reports. The first one was for Eleanor at 8:50AM:
Eleanor was really upset when the other child refused to give up the toy that the other child was playing with. Eleanor bit the other child.
It goes on to say:
I talked to Eleanor about biting friends and removed her from the area. She is going to be shadowed by a teacher at all times.
The next report was for Eleanor at 9:00AM (only ten minutes later):
Eleanor and the other child were playing and Eleanor wanted the other child’s toy and the other child refused to give Eleanor the toy. Eleanor bit the other child.
Again, she was removed from the area, and we assume she was more closely shadowed.
The final report was for Miranda at 11:50AM:
Miranda was tired and Ms. Maria was getting her bottle ready when the child crawled next to her and she bit her friend.
Okay. What in the heck is going on? These are the only bite reports we’ve ever received and suddenly we get three in one day! Eleanor seemed to have some provocation for her two incidents, but in Miranda’s case, the other child was just crawling nearby. We weren’t told who the victims were, but it was pretty clear who at least one of them was when all the parents showed up to pick up their kids. This girl is relatively new to the class and smaller than Eleanor and Miranda.
I’m guessing this must be some kind of cycle of aggression that forms in daycare–Miranda was first bitten back in June for blocking another child, and I guess she subsequently learned to bite when frustrated. I don’t blame our specific daycare though, because I know of two other kids in completely different daycare programs who learned to bite other kids once they started daycare. I just wish there wasn’t as much of a Lord of the Flies thing going on.
We’ve been telling our kids “No!” in a firm voice whenever we get a hint of this behavior, but we need to redouble our efforts. I think it will also help to specifically say “No biting!” and to move the aggressor away. Fortunately, at this age, I think they can tell when we say they’ve done something wrong.
Here’s a picture of Eleanor showing her teeth. To be clear, she is not attempting to bite anyone in this picture.
Maya bites too, although Sarah never did at her age. We think it is the frustration of being a second child and not getting enough attention from her parents. It’s kind of funny (and sad too) that she primarily bites her sister Sarah. She bites Sarah when Sarah takes a toy away from her or blocks her. Sometimes she pulls Sarah’s hair. Guess it is her way of fighting back.
We try not to make a big deal of it. We pick her up and tell her no in a firm voice (then she sulks and hangs her head, which is kind of sad/cute).
My Eleanor also bit — in fact, she got kicked out of daycare for it! The lesson there — if you’re going to bite, make sure not to bite the teacher’s daughter, especially if the teacher’s mother is psychotic. Anyway, with kids this age, it’s not like it’s malicious. I also kind of doubt that it’s something that a child has to “learn” from another child in order to start doing. It seems to me that it would usually just be a way of expressing themselves/sampling the outside world. I wonder if signing (and no, we never did it) has any influence on the incidence of biting. My Eleanor stopped completely with the change in daycare environment, but hopefully your daughters will just stop on their own!